How to Be Less Annoyed With People

If you're honest, there will be at least some occasions now and then when you feel really annoyed with other people. Perhaps it's because something you wanted to do was thwarted by someone else's preferences, or perhaps it is something that was said or implied. At other times, it may be as simple as finding every noise, movement, and distraction very bothersome because you're fatigued or unwell.

Whatever the reason, here are some easy, simple steps to feel calm and collected when that annoying guy at the desk next to you keeps talking while you're trying to get the report out on time, or when that annoying popular girl won't stop twirling her pony.

Steps:

1. 

   Cope.
   Cope. Initially, it's important to cope when you're annoyed with another person so that you don't let your sour face or barbed remarks alert them to your annoyance. After you've coped will come the time for reflection on the annoyance and what it means for you and your approach to others. When you feel the annoyance getting to you, try the following:
   • Breathe deeply and shut your eyes briefly. Calmly count to ten, slowly. Imagine yourself on the beach. Let the internal sound of waves and seagulls wash over you. Feel the mist of the seawater on your face and let it calm you. Or your most calming memory maybe even a really happy one.
   • Open your eyes and concentrate on something other than the person who is annoying you. Look at your hands, a poster, your computer screen, people across the street - whatever takes your sight away from the person bothering you. This will give time to think calmly and to take your mind off the person. Delaying your reaction will help you to realize the pointlessness of flying off the handle at them, or at treating the situation too seriously.
2. 

   Talk to the other person when you feel calmed or less irritable.
   Talk to the other person when you feel calmed or less irritable. If you find that this person is continuing to annoy you, figure out whether it's a good idea to ask them to stop doing whatever they're doing that's bothering you, or whether you just need a temporary break. Either way, you'll need to talk, even if it's just to excuse yourself. If you do want to ask them to stop doing whatever it is they're doing, avoid saying anything like, "Shut the **** up, man you're annoying!" Try not to swear or make fun back because this will make things worse and it's probable in many cases that this person doesn't even get the extent to which they've rattled your cage. Be strong and politely tell them that what they're doing is bothering you. For example:
   • "Hey George, I'm really worn out today because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I'm finding it really hard to cope with the noise levels today; would you mind just keeping it down a little over there?" Be prepared for a conversation and perhaps for making a compromise, such as sticking earbuds in your ear, or something else that can help alleviate the situation for you.
   • Or, if you don't want to confront the matter right now: "Hey George, I need some fresh air. Would you mind answering my phone if it rings while I'm out? Thanks." Then exit promptly without so much as a backward glance. Find a quiet spot and chill out. On your "mental break", inhale deeply, refocus your energies, and block out any negative self-messaging. Most importantly, tell yourself to stop thinking about how annoying the person is.
3. 

   Check your facial and body language.
   Check your facial and body language. Frowns, glaring, and other unpleasant body language conveys anger and contempt. And it's contagious, so if it's targeted at the person who is annoying you, they're likely to feel angry too and things can escalate. Try to maintain a calm and collected demeanor without facial expressions that suggest you're annoyed or displeased.
   • Focus on the humor in the situation. Laugh off whatever has caused you to feel so annoyed and try to imagine the annoying behavior or situation in a more humorous light, along with how you might just have the totally wrong end of the stick.
4. 

   Identify what is bothering you.
   Identify what is bothering you. Know what sets you off and learn how to not react, as well as dealing with the underlying issues. It's usually obvious who is bothering you – the noisy chatterbox, the bragging backstabber, or the constant complainer who follows your every error and turns a molehill into a mountain. It's also important to identify the what that is bothering you – what precisely about their behavior is causing you to feel so annoyed that you feel ready to explode or snap at them? Working out the real reason underlying the annoyance will enable you to target responses that will be effective in both solving the problem that annoys you and causes you to find that particular person so annoying. In other words, try to separate the problem from the person. For example:
   • Are you annoyed with the chatterbox even though you know this person is loud and talks a lot because you've already asked them to minimize the noise but they haven't, or have you simply continued to seethe in silence and just wish they'd shut up? In the first instance, your annoyance is likely to be based in feeling disrespected and not listened to; in the second instance, your annoyance is likely to be based on your own inability to be assertive and to ask for what you'd like.
   • Are you annoyed with the bragging backstabber because you've already told this person that you don't appreciate their antics but they still continue, or is it because this person is so obviously out to get you but you don't know how to stand up for yourself? In the first instance, your annoyance probably stems from the continued lack of respect and brazenness of the office gossiper; in the second instance, your annoyance may be based in feeling helpless and unable to control what is being said about you.
   • Are you annoyed with the constant complainer because you've already pointed out to this person that they have a role in fixing what they're whining about, or are you annoyed because you feel like you work like crazy but only ever get complaints? In the first instance, you're probably annoyed about the fact that the other person is as responsible as you for checking things, while in the second case, you might be annoyed because you feel under-appreciated and yet too easily targeted for criticism.
5. 

   Be conscious that being annoyed by another person's traits can be based in your own lack of patience or understanding.
   Be conscious that being annoyed by another person's traits can be based in your own lack of patience or understanding. In some cases, annoyance is driven by a sense of superiority, as when we quip "How stupid those people are!", or "Does he have to be so daft?", wherein we automatically assume we're smarter without ever knowing the full story, or the personal issues that drive the person to act the way they do.
   • Be careful if you're the sort of person who loudly proclaims "I don't tolerate fools", or you feel that the urbanites/suburbanites/country dwellers are all missing a screw or two. Such broad assumptions about people you've grouped together by characteristics that you dislike will always give you cause for annoyance because you've chosen to treat anyone in your grouping with contempt.
   • Avoid generalizing. Saying things like "I only care about my immediate friends and family. All other people are so stupid and such time-wasters." says more about you than about these "other people". First, you're shutting off the opportunity to meet lots of new people when you label them annoying, and second, you are acting defensively to try and ward off anyone who might cause you to have to think, respond, or feel differently about the things you're used to.
   • Learn to be more patient and to stop letting the little things bother you. Patience is a key aspect of minimizing annoyance in your life because you'll stop feeling buffeted by time and circumstances and you can relax more and take things in your stride.
6. 

   Consider shaking your life up a bit.
   Consider shaking your life up a bit. Being annoyed can be a sign that you're too deeply entrenched in your comfort zone and woe betide anyone else who steps into it, however unknowingly. Try shaking things up a bit to expand your comfort zone now and then. Rearrange your bedroom furniture, read books by authors who challenge you, move house, start new hobbies, take a trip overseas, start volunteering, or get a new job. Changing something in your life that shifts you out of your comfort zone and into new territory can reduce your levels of annoyance and crank up your compassion for others, as you realize that it's easy to complain and assume but a lot less easy to do something to alleviate the annoyance.
   • Anything that helps you to grow and mature will tend to dampen annoyance with other people. The more that you learn about the world, and the more understanding you are of people's motivations, you'll expect less of people and let them just be. In turn, you'll be less annoyed by the things people do. For people will keep on doing those annoying things!
7. 

   Accept that which you cannot change.
   Accept that which you cannot change. You can change yourself, the toilet paper, and the decor of your house. You cannot change someone else, nor can you ever feel comfortable if you constantly wish the world were as you think it ought to be. If you find yourself getting annoyed at someone who bothers you because they're pretty, popular, or let their own personality shine forth, realize that there is not much you can do and very little you will gain by such annoyance. You cannot change someone's personality because you don't get along with them, envy them, or because you've chosen to find them annoying.
   • If you're annoyed because you view other people as rivals and enemies, you're on a slippery slope. Remove the competitive aspect from your work, study, or social relations by realizing that there is more than enough praise, pay, accolades, and recognition for everyone.
8. 

   Assert yourself.
   Assert yourself. Much annoyance comes about when we take the path of least resistance – not saying anything but fuming all the same. Annoyance caused by placing yourself into a position of powerlessness because of the things another person does is self-destructive. A far more constructive approach is to speak up when you'd like to see something changed around you. While you cannot change a person's personality, you can ask them to refrain from behavior that impacts others, including being too loud, asking too many questions, wearing perfume that overwhelms you, using thoughtless or harmful language around you, etc. If their actions are impacting you negatively, you're entitled to ask for the actions to be toned down, changed in some way, or even stopped. At this point, not only are you asserting your "perfect right", but you're also negotiating on behalf of anyone else impacted by the behavior.
   • Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself politely but firmly. It is not something to be afraid of, and you don't need to attend a course to master it. It's as simple as responding to the annoying behavior promptly and with a pointed request. For example, person X is working next to you but won't stop playing their radio out loud. You ask them if they have a moment to talk and proceed to say: "I find it distracting having to listen to the radio all day long in our small office. I'd prefer to work in silence because I can think a lot better. Would you mind using using earbuds from tomorrow so that we can all work in the way we like best." Ignoring the annoying behavior will cause you to simmer to boiling point and the problem won't go away; it will come back time and again. So deal with it.
   • If you're annoyed because the person in question is clingy, this also requires assertiveness and some tough love on your behalf. Let them know that you appreciate their company now and then but be clear that you also need your own space in order to thrive. Sometimes it's case of helping them to understand that being on your own at times is not a rejection of them but a need of your own.
9. 

   Be compassionate, listen, and guide.
   Be compassionate, listen, and guide. Everyone gets annoyed sometimes. Which means people will be annoyed with you sometimes too because we're all in a position to do or say annoying things now and then. Try to focus on what you can do to adopt a more compassionate, guiding approach to an annoying behavior or action. Consider the ways in which you can provide constructive feedback to try and alleviate the annoying behavior or activities rather than blowing your top or creating a negative atmosphere. As part of this, be interested in the other person. If that sounds difficult, then there is all the more reason to put your compassionate self into action.
10. Identify when the annoyance reflects a deeper conflict. Sometimes this is easier to see a few hours later when you're not with that annoying person. Small things can mount up into a pattern that can guide you to understand why you need to be so patient. If you work with someone who is bigoted against you for an unstated reason of race, religion, gender or political views, you may be hearing constant borderline insults in everything from their anecdotes about others to the differences in the way they treat you and other people. A man with a low opinion of women in general or a woman with a low opinion of men in general can wind up making life extremely unpleasant in a thousand ways that don't quite cross the bounds of getting them fired, for example. Look at how they treat others around you. There's also reverse prejudice, someone deeply wounded by bigotry may lash out with similar behavior. A gay person may make snide comments about "breeders" and that puts any heterosexual person in the prejudice group. Be aware that may also be an intelligent attempt to make you see their side of things if you're white and mainstream.
    • No matter who you are, someone hates you for race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference or social class and finds it very hard to see you as a human being in your own right. Understand that it is possible for someone to learn to overcome prejudice, but it rarely happens fast. They may become aware of it in a moment and be shocked, but they will probably not be able to completely overcome it without compassionate, gradual education and personal support.
    • Prove them wrong. Listen for it, wait for the stereotype that's so far from who you are that it's ridiculous and then make a joke with a point. Then quietly without anger, confront it directly. "I'm one of them, George." This can sometimes embarrass them into stopping.
11. Watch for escalation. If ignoring, assertively resisting or dealing patiently with their behavior starts getting even more annoying behavior, there may be some serious problems. George may be deliberately trying to pick a fight, like turning the radio volume up daily from the first time you mentioned it or pointedly making negative comments about your clothes, religion, status or race etc. If you see a pattern of sexual harassment that's increasing, it's a serious problem. Start documenting the incidents when they cross the line. Ask him politely to stop when you're having a good day and feel a lot of self control. This can be over non-controversial issues too, it can be constant personal criticism of your clothes, body language, accent, views. The social game of trying to pick a fight so that the other person blows up and acts unacceptably is unpleasantly common. Watch for codependent behaviors - fast but shallow apologies followed by the same, clingy behavior seeking your approval reversed suddenly into personal attacks, passive-aggressive attacks. If you find that pattern evolving with a coworker, try to keep as much distance as possible and pay as little attention as possible to that person. Remain strictly professional, don't socialize with them. They're in the process of burning down their own life, don't go down with the ship. You can't help them so don't engage.
12. 

    Seeing red may be because you're feeling blue
    See your doctor. Sometimes annoyance with other people can be sourced from an illness or disorder and turns into an ongoing, long-term problem. If you're in frequent pain or you're depressed, anxious, prone to panic attacks, etc., you may find yourself easily (and constantly) annoyed by other people because you're so busy coping with your pain and disability that you cannot bear it when people make things harder for you. If you're easily irritated and feel anxious, down, and worried over a period of more than a week or two, go and see your doctor to discuss what might be happening. And if you're in a lot of pain, it's imperative to speak to your doctor to find out whether something can be done to minimize the pain.
    • In some cases, you may need to unlearn anger habits, as annoyance is often sourced in unresolved anger. A course in anger management might be extremely helpful if you're finding almost everyone annoys you.
    • Try meditation. It may help to reground you and open your mind up to peaceful ways of approaching challenging situations and difficult people.
13. Remember you are not the object. Most people are not trying to annoy you. They probably don't realize that what they are doing is annoying. In other words, they are probably in their "own world" and arent' even aware of you. For example someone talking on their cell phone and are engrossed in their own conversation while totally annoying the rest of the people within earshot. ... you know like that

Tips:

• Be aware that the online environment can also leave you feeling annoyed, only this time with anonymous people whose faces you cannot even see. Try not to take negative interactions in the online environment to heart, keep a sense of humor, and move along when things feel turbulent. Tomorrow will make it all seem very different after a good night of sleeping on it.
• Positive thinking can alleviate irritation with others.
• The sweeter the person who annoys you is, the more bitter you are. Check your own problems out before dumping them onto others.

Warnings:

• Be careful with what you view as annoying behavior. If you're making a mountain out a molehill, you risk alienating people and having them find you annoying for being so picky, thoughtless, and unkind.
• Be aware that disdain, contempt, and fear are contagious. Avoid buttressing your dislike or contempt for the person who annoys you by inflicting your opinion on others about why this person is so annoying. A contemptuous mob is an ugly sight that soon switches to bullying in the workplace, school yard, and other group situations.
• Be aware that sometimes you can turn mountains into molehills by looking at each incident separately. Watch for patterns that indicate serious real conflicts that need mediation. Discuss the situation with trusted friends outside the situation or with a counselor if it's starting to drive you round the bend, don't just react. In all the situations where there are deeper conflicts, just reacting or overreacting puts you right where they want you: making a fool of yourself or your crossing the line and getting in trouble.