How to Not Be Annoying

Most of the time, an annoying person doesn't realize how his or her behavior is perceived by others. If you suspect that you're annoying others - or you've been told you're annoying and think they might be right, here's how to avoid the little things that often get on people's nerves. If you think it would bother you, it is probably bothering others. 

Steps:

1. Build self confidence. Sometimes someone will find you annoying because you happen to do something that they associate with a negative trait, such as anxiety, stereotypes, or slovenliness. You shouldn't have to change something about yourself just because someone interprets your behavior inaccurately (presuming it is an inaccurate judgment). But other times, we can be annoying because we're insecure or we're trying too hard. In such cases, you can examine why you do certain things and perhaps realize that the only reason you're doing them is to make a good impression, and it's backfiring on you!
2. 
   Break counterproductive habits. Let's say you've found that you laugh loudly at everyone's jokes, even if they're not all that funny, or perhaps you've gotten in the habit of laughing at inappropriate times. Maybe you started doing it subconsciously because you thought being jubilant and quick to laugh made you more likable, but now all it's doing is annoying everyone you spend time with. Try a different approach - be genuine and be yourself. If people find you annoying when you're being true to yourself, then you need to find new, more accepting people to be around.
3. Respect boundaries. Everybody has boundaries - you need to learn what they are and try to avoid crossing them. Boundaries vary widely from culture to culture and even from individual to individual.
   
   
   • Do not go around poking people constantly. In fact, don't touch them at all if they don't like it. Of course if they are a good friend of yours and they don't mind, then by all means have fun. Otherwise, keep your hands to yourself.
   • Don't talk about people behind their backs; especially if you have not stated your issue with the person in the first place. This is especially true of those who are related to you, or are your friends or significant other.
   • Do not impose, or appear uninvited. Try to control your emotions and not be too pushy. Give people space when they need it. Don't call every single day. Remember, the greatest form of annoyance is repetition.
   • Do not go through people's stuff. Even if their things are not private, they may still feel violated if you touch things that are in their personal space. If you wish to borrow something, ask for permission first and allow the person to give the item to you.
   • Mind your own business. Avoid butting into a conversation by (for example) saying, "What are you talking about?" If you hear someone talking about something with another person, and you only catch the last sentence, leave it be.
4. Be humble. Just because you're confident doesn't mean you have to act like you're better than anyone else. Don't do or say things that might let you appear to be arrogant, like bragging about your wealth or success.
   
   
   • Don't correct bad grammar/spelling or inaccuracies of others because most people don't like being corrected.
   • Don't tell people that their beliefs are wrong. Gently and nicely mention that you disagree. Have a clear moral line and stand by it. For instance, all is fair until you cause harm to another person. Yours may vary, but try to make sure it's used across the board.
   • Don't complain all the time. Remember the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others will find you depressing and avoid you. This also goes for constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble - it's another form of self-absorption. It's normal to feel bad once in a while, and to express your discontent. But, you also need to know when to get over it and move on. Read up on how to be optimistic.
   • Be mindful of how the things you say are perceived by others. Even if your words are thoughtful and important, your tone of voice may indicate frustration, crankiness, or a condescending attitude, or flippancy or arrogance or any number of things which give folks the wrong impression and causes them to hate your guts.
5. Learn to listen. Conversation is a two way street. If you're talking constantly, others will get frustrated and quit trying to communicate with you. As a general rule, always listen more than you speak. Think about what you say before you say it. Avoid interrupting someone in the middle of a thought, even if it just jogged your memory of something to say. Remember the famous quotation, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt".
6. Be conscious of your surroundings. Be aware if you are standing in doorways while having a conversation, standing in the middle of an area where people are trying to walk (in stores, malls, or the airport), or if your children are being obnoxious in a public place. Also, do not loudly sing or play music which others are likely to find irritating. Consider how your actions are likely to affect the people around you, and you will gain their respect.
7. Be polite and hygienic. Don't peek down people's shirts for instance, don't pass gas, don’t talk about biological functions in public. Cover your nose and mouth with your elbow when you sneeze or cough. Take care to brush and/or floss after meals so as not to inflict your breath on others. Take a shower everyday and put on clean clothes every day.
8. 
   Learn to read facial reactions and body movements. Pay attention to the facial expressions and body language of those around you and work to immediately identify and stop whatever you're doing that is annoying others.
9. Don't overcrowd. When someone's having a bad day, don't try to hang around them to make them feel better (unless of course they ask). If you were having a bad day, you wouldn't want someone bugging you with failing attempts at pick-me-ups. Ask if they would like your reassurance, but remember that "no" means "no". Only talk about what is bugging them if they bring it up.
10. Avoid unnecessary repetition. Constantly repeating the same action over and over again (such as making inappropriate sounds or pulling someone's hair, etc.), isn't the right way of 'getting attention'. If a person says 'stop', that means 'stop'. If you continue without stopping, you might lose a friend.
    • Don't copy people. If you copy someone they just get annoyed and walk away. You shouldn't copy your friends either because you could risk losing them.
    • Say it once. Don't say the thing you said twice because they would say, "I heard you" or "OKAY!" or something like that. It can get annoying to them. They heard it already; they don't want to hear it again.
    • Don't make repetitive noises. If you find yourself tapping your pencil on the table, chewing ice with your mouth open, tapping your foot against something, clearing your throat excessively, coughing, please stop.
11. Don't argue. Most people dislike arguing. Simply state that you disagree and refrain from setting yourself up as an expert on the subject. A "know-it-all" stance grates on peoples' nerves. Of course, you can have intelligent debates/discussions with a person/people provided the circumstances are appropriate and the other person is willing to engage. Never force someone into a debate. If someone tells you that they would rather not discuss a topic, drop it.

Tips

• Don't know if you are annoying? Ask a person that you would find likely to give you an honest and constructive answer. Be prepared for criticism and be willing to accept it gracefully. The person may not be ready to give it all immediately, so give him/her time by explaining your situation, thoughts, and feelings to make it clear you can handle helpful criticism. Don't take this to an extreme, either, as it will probably be quite annoying itself. Also ask them to keep it updated till you tell them they can, and stop asking at the end of the day.
• If your friends and family are removing themselves from you, it is possible you need to work on your social skills and personal boundaries with a professional counselor or in a group. Creating appropriate boundaries is greatly affected by early experiences over which we have no control. Coming to terms with these experiences may help give you the security you need to create and respect proper boundaries.
• Keep practicing these skills until you get it right - this will be when you feel better and your friends/family talk to you more.
• One thing that many people find annoy is if you cling onto them and don't ever leave their side. Surround yourself with many friends so that you can spend time with many people, and not be perceived to be clinging to one person, which can get annoying.

Warnings

• Some people who have ADHD or ADD can be annoying, but it is NOT their fault. Don't criticize them or make fun. Be a friend and show you care.
• We are all annoying at times, and some people are too quick to criticize. Some people are just annoyed far too easily.
• Don't be too quick to confront or too arrogant about it if a friend says you are annoying. Learn to be humble.
• If you like someone, and he or she thinks you are annoying, try to become friends first, and no flirting until you two know each other well. Talk to the person online or in person, you'll be surprised at how much you'll find out about each other.

Why do we get so annoyed?

Although little research has been conducted into how things bug us, enough is known to identify some causes and solutions

Buzzing insects are near the top of most lists. So are canceled flights, dead batteries, other people’s endlessly crying children. And don’t even mention fingernails scratching on a blackboard.
Doesn’t your blood pressure start to rise even just thinking about these things?
So it is with stuff that annoys us.
The irritants can feel like physical assaults, make our blood boil, and trigger the body’s “fight or flight’’ response.
But though being annoyed is a near-universal experience, very few scientists actually study it. The examination of anger, frustration, and neuroticism all date at least to Freud’s couch, but annoyance is largely overlooked as its own experience, according to science journalist Joe Palca, who has just published a book with colleague Flora Lichtman called “Annoying: The Science of What Bugs Us.’’

The book originated with Lichtman’s curiosity about why certain, largely unimportant things drive most of us wild. Palca, a correspondent with National Public Radio, said he was shocked at how little systematic research has been done on what irritates us and why so many of us routinely get aggravated.

“I believe that being annoyed is the most widely experienced and least studied of all emotions,’’ Palca said.
Even the most heinous of all sounds, fingernails on a blackboard, has only been seriously studied once. That was back in the mid-1980s, when Randolph Blake, now a psychology professor at Vanderbilt University, was trying to develop software to process visual information - long before Photoshop or Guitar Hero. He and his colleagues thought it would be simpler to start with sounds instead of pictures, and began exploring sounds that triggered emotional reactions.

They exposed test subjects to a library of sounds. Not surprisingly, fingernails dragged across a blackboard brought the strongest emotional response. Blake and his colleagues thought people reacted so strongly because the scratching sounds a lot like the scream of a baby primate. Perhaps, they wrote in their study, this human aversion is an echo of the anxieties of our evolutionary ancestors.

Blake, also on the faculty at Seoul National University, said he’s gotten more attention for those few sentences written in 1988 than for all the vision research he has done since - which, of course, he finds somewhat annoying.

Paul Garrity, associate professor of biology at Brandeis University, thinks he may have found the evolutionary seeds of annoyance, in the reactions to one of nature’s most annoying creatures: the fly.

Garrity studies the fruit fly, which has an ability similar to our own to sense potentially dangerous chemicals, or pressure or temperature changes. That skill, to perceive possible dangers, may be the origin of the annoyance we feel today, he said.

“My guess is it was a gradual accretion of more and more sophisticated behaviors, but it probably arises from very primordial origins of ‘Oh, that hurt,’ ’’ Garrity said. “Reflexes that may have been originally used to respond to painful stimuli may now be used to respond to something we would think of as more psychological.’’

Socially we get annoyed at other people, perhaps because we don’t see them as providing us an evolutionary advantage, said Robert Hogan, a former psychology professor at the University of Tulsa who is now president of Hogan Assessment Systems, a personality assessment and consulting firm. The most annoying people, he said, are those who are unpredictable and unreliable, who will criticize you or stab you in the back.

“The things that annoy us are things that cue us that people are not going be a resource for the group or to you in your pursuit of acceptance and status,’’ he said.

Annoying people generally have no idea they’re being so annoying, he and other psychologists agreed.
Why do we sometimes react so emotionally to seemingly trivial sensations and behaviors?

“Any time you get an emotional reaction, it is nature’s way of telling you to pay additional attention to it,’’ said Michael R. Cunningham, a psychologist at the University of Louisville.

Cunningham says annoyance is a good thing, in the sense that it goads us into action.
“If we never felt irritation we would never avoid those people or situations that waste our time, cost us money, etc.,’’ he said. Annoyance, “is there to activate us to do certain things to the extent that we can.’’
Irritation also builds over time. The first time your spouse leaves dirty dishes in the sink, you can probably overlook it; the 300th time, you’re likely to be less understanding.

Cunningham has defined categories of what he calls social allergens - social acts that turn people off. These are things that the other person may or may not do intentionally, but that we often take personally, like people cutting their fingernails on the T, running red lights, or talking too much at parties.

Another social aspect of annoyance, Cunningham said, is that when we are really ticked off by our friends, it is often for the same basic reasons that originally attracted us to them. A woman may be attracted to a man’s stability and then grow to hate him for being dull; a friend once beloved for his sense of humor may be criticized for being unable to take anything seriously.

Some annoyances can be short-lived and inconsequential. Hopefully, you only run into the guy who cuts his nails on the T once, but you can keep telling the story about him for years. Other irritations, such as a partner’s nagging, can be repetitive, deeply disturbing, and hard to escape, Cunningham said, causing serious stress that can eventually lead to health problems.

Fortunately, we can train ourselves not to get annoyed - at least some of the time.
Have you ever noticed how people without children tend to get more impatient with a crying or misbehaving child than young parents do? The personal understanding of how difficult it can be to soothe a child often makes the event seem less annoying.

Cunningham’s advice for coping with annoyances: “You can leave the environment, you can change the environment, or you can do something inside yourself to change’’ your reaction. That could mean changing behaviors, such as doing deep breathing, counting to 10, or taking a walk. It could also mean deliberately changing your thoughts - deciding, for instance, to view a particular behavior as quirky instead of annoying. Or it could mean choosing to focus on accomplishments and pleasant things rather than irritations, he said.
Palca says he’s learned not to get annoyed about little things, simply by thinking about what he learned while writing his book. Getting delayed by two hours on a recent business trip, however, still pushed all his buttons.
“You’re only cured of being annoyed when you’re dead,’’ he said. “I’ve decided I’ll just live with some annoyance.’’
Karen Weintraub can be reached at karen@karenweintraub.com. 

Social allergens

Psychology professor Michael R. Cunningham has defined the term “social allergens’’ to describe activities other people do to turn us off (of course, we never do these ourselves!). He’s broken them into four different categories, depending on whether they are intentionally annoying or aimed at a particular individual.

Impolite personal habits, such as public nose picking, knuckle cracking, passing gas, and lack of personal hygiene are not usually intended to annoy anyone, but are often perceived as annoying.

Inconsiderate activities, such as keeping someone waiting, checking e-mail repeatedly while you’re with someone, forgetting to pick up milk on the way home as you had promised - again, these activities may not be meant to annoy, but they can be aggravating.

Intrusive behaviors are intentional and directed at an individual, who is likely to become annoyed by them. Examples might include someone who insists on giving an opinion on everything, who nags, or who critiques your behavior.

Rulebreaking, such as running red lights, not paying taxes, or smoking in a nonsmoking zone, may not be directed at a particular person, but it may violate your personal sense of what is right, and therefore be annoying.

Keeping your cool

It’s basically impossible to go through life without feeling annoyed at times.
To keep irritations on low, it can be helpful to start noticing what causes annoyance. By becoming more alert to irritants, you can potentially gain control over them. You may decide, for instance, that it’s not worth getting upset when you get stuck in traffic. Next time, leave earlier, or make the conscious decision to use the time to relax, listen to music, or dream of your next vacation.

If you find your annoyance level rising in general, it may be a sign that you need to get more sleep, that an important relationship is heading for the rocks (those formerly “cute’’ habits now seem increasingly aggravating), or that you are in the early stages of an illness.

 

How to stop being annoyed

Do you ever get annoyed at work? Your colleagues are carrying on and for some reason it just starts to get under your skin – may be the annoyance occurs for reasons that you just can’t explain. Well this is exactly what happened to me yesterday at work. I’d like to share with you what I did to overcome the annoyance.
After sitting there and slowly getting annoyed, I considered my options, I could ask at them to quieten down, which would have just broken down our working relationship. In any case they were just letting off steam, it was my issue that I was annoyed. I attempted to distract myself from the annoyance, usually I’d walk away – however being at work this was not an option.
So this is what I did, I got an image in my mind which represented being calm to me. For me, such an image is the beach – well, on this occasion that is the image that jumped into my mind.

With the beach image present in my mind, I then attempted to hear the waves, the waves began breaking over the sand, the waves had a real smashing sound that waves have. As I continued to hear the waves, I began to feel the sand between my toes as I imaged walking along the beach.

Now, my mind began completing the picture, as this occurred the annoyance from my colleagues faded away. I could feel a light sea breeze gently hitting my face, the breeze moved through my hair, it had just enough power to to lift my hair slightly from my scalp. My face felt the sun, it was warm, but not hot, a pleasant feeling.

By this time, I’m sitting at my desk in a 23 story building, down town in a capital city – my mind had transported me to a beach, where the waves are gently breaking over the sand, my feet are feeling the cool sand – as I walk the pressure of my steps force the sand to gently spread my toes with each step. Wind and sun, passed over my face, the wind gliding through my hair as the sun warms my skin.

For you, it may not be the beach that offers a calming space, it might be a bush walk, through a tropical forest or it might be a picnic in the botanical gardens. What ever it is, bring the image into your mind and let the annoyance fade away.

How to Be Less Annoyed With People

If you're honest, there will be at least some occasions now and then when you feel really annoyed with other people. Perhaps it's because something you wanted to do was thwarted by someone else's preferences, or perhaps it is something that was said or implied. At other times, it may be as simple as finding every noise, movement, and distraction very bothersome because you're fatigued or unwell.

Whatever the reason, here are some easy, simple steps to feel calm and collected when that annoying guy at the desk next to you keeps talking while you're trying to get the report out on time, or when that annoying popular girl won't stop twirling her pony.

Steps:

1. 

   Cope.
   Cope. Initially, it's important to cope when you're annoyed with another person so that you don't let your sour face or barbed remarks alert them to your annoyance. After you've coped will come the time for reflection on the annoyance and what it means for you and your approach to others. When you feel the annoyance getting to you, try the following:
   • Breathe deeply and shut your eyes briefly. Calmly count to ten, slowly. Imagine yourself on the beach. Let the internal sound of waves and seagulls wash over you. Feel the mist of the seawater on your face and let it calm you. Or your most calming memory maybe even a really happy one.
   • Open your eyes and concentrate on something other than the person who is annoying you. Look at your hands, a poster, your computer screen, people across the street - whatever takes your sight away from the person bothering you. This will give time to think calmly and to take your mind off the person. Delaying your reaction will help you to realize the pointlessness of flying off the handle at them, or at treating the situation too seriously.
2. 

   Talk to the other person when you feel calmed or less irritable.
   Talk to the other person when you feel calmed or less irritable. If you find that this person is continuing to annoy you, figure out whether it's a good idea to ask them to stop doing whatever they're doing that's bothering you, or whether you just need a temporary break. Either way, you'll need to talk, even if it's just to excuse yourself. If you do want to ask them to stop doing whatever it is they're doing, avoid saying anything like, "Shut the **** up, man you're annoying!" Try not to swear or make fun back because this will make things worse and it's probable in many cases that this person doesn't even get the extent to which they've rattled your cage. Be strong and politely tell them that what they're doing is bothering you. For example:
   • "Hey George, I'm really worn out today because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I'm finding it really hard to cope with the noise levels today; would you mind just keeping it down a little over there?" Be prepared for a conversation and perhaps for making a compromise, such as sticking earbuds in your ear, or something else that can help alleviate the situation for you.
   • Or, if you don't want to confront the matter right now: "Hey George, I need some fresh air. Would you mind answering my phone if it rings while I'm out? Thanks." Then exit promptly without so much as a backward glance. Find a quiet spot and chill out. On your "mental break", inhale deeply, refocus your energies, and block out any negative self-messaging. Most importantly, tell yourself to stop thinking about how annoying the person is.
3. 

   Check your facial and body language.
   Check your facial and body language. Frowns, glaring, and other unpleasant body language conveys anger and contempt. And it's contagious, so if it's targeted at the person who is annoying you, they're likely to feel angry too and things can escalate. Try to maintain a calm and collected demeanor without facial expressions that suggest you're annoyed or displeased.
   • Focus on the humor in the situation. Laugh off whatever has caused you to feel so annoyed and try to imagine the annoying behavior or situation in a more humorous light, along with how you might just have the totally wrong end of the stick.
4. 

   Identify what is bothering you.
   Identify what is bothering you. Know what sets you off and learn how to not react, as well as dealing with the underlying issues. It's usually obvious who is bothering you – the noisy chatterbox, the bragging backstabber, or the constant complainer who follows your every error and turns a molehill into a mountain. It's also important to identify the what that is bothering you – what precisely about their behavior is causing you to feel so annoyed that you feel ready to explode or snap at them? Working out the real reason underlying the annoyance will enable you to target responses that will be effective in both solving the problem that annoys you and causes you to find that particular person so annoying. In other words, try to separate the problem from the person. For example:
   • Are you annoyed with the chatterbox even though you know this person is loud and talks a lot because you've already asked them to minimize the noise but they haven't, or have you simply continued to seethe in silence and just wish they'd shut up? In the first instance, your annoyance is likely to be based in feeling disrespected and not listened to; in the second instance, your annoyance is likely to be based on your own inability to be assertive and to ask for what you'd like.
   • Are you annoyed with the bragging backstabber because you've already told this person that you don't appreciate their antics but they still continue, or is it because this person is so obviously out to get you but you don't know how to stand up for yourself? In the first instance, your annoyance probably stems from the continued lack of respect and brazenness of the office gossiper; in the second instance, your annoyance may be based in feeling helpless and unable to control what is being said about you.
   • Are you annoyed with the constant complainer because you've already pointed out to this person that they have a role in fixing what they're whining about, or are you annoyed because you feel like you work like crazy but only ever get complaints? In the first instance, you're probably annoyed about the fact that the other person is as responsible as you for checking things, while in the second case, you might be annoyed because you feel under-appreciated and yet too easily targeted for criticism.
5. 

   Be conscious that being annoyed by another person's traits can be based in your own lack of patience or understanding.
   Be conscious that being annoyed by another person's traits can be based in your own lack of patience or understanding. In some cases, annoyance is driven by a sense of superiority, as when we quip "How stupid those people are!", or "Does he have to be so daft?", wherein we automatically assume we're smarter without ever knowing the full story, or the personal issues that drive the person to act the way they do.
   • Be careful if you're the sort of person who loudly proclaims "I don't tolerate fools", or you feel that the urbanites/suburbanites/country dwellers are all missing a screw or two. Such broad assumptions about people you've grouped together by characteristics that you dislike will always give you cause for annoyance because you've chosen to treat anyone in your grouping with contempt.
   • Avoid generalizing. Saying things like "I only care about my immediate friends and family. All other people are so stupid and such time-wasters." says more about you than about these "other people". First, you're shutting off the opportunity to meet lots of new people when you label them annoying, and second, you are acting defensively to try and ward off anyone who might cause you to have to think, respond, or feel differently about the things you're used to.
   • Learn to be more patient and to stop letting the little things bother you. Patience is a key aspect of minimizing annoyance in your life because you'll stop feeling buffeted by time and circumstances and you can relax more and take things in your stride.
6. 

   Consider shaking your life up a bit.
   Consider shaking your life up a bit. Being annoyed can be a sign that you're too deeply entrenched in your comfort zone and woe betide anyone else who steps into it, however unknowingly. Try shaking things up a bit to expand your comfort zone now and then. Rearrange your bedroom furniture, read books by authors who challenge you, move house, start new hobbies, take a trip overseas, start volunteering, or get a new job. Changing something in your life that shifts you out of your comfort zone and into new territory can reduce your levels of annoyance and crank up your compassion for others, as you realize that it's easy to complain and assume but a lot less easy to do something to alleviate the annoyance.
   • Anything that helps you to grow and mature will tend to dampen annoyance with other people. The more that you learn about the world, and the more understanding you are of people's motivations, you'll expect less of people and let them just be. In turn, you'll be less annoyed by the things people do. For people will keep on doing those annoying things!
7. 

   Accept that which you cannot change.
   Accept that which you cannot change. You can change yourself, the toilet paper, and the decor of your house. You cannot change someone else, nor can you ever feel comfortable if you constantly wish the world were as you think it ought to be. If you find yourself getting annoyed at someone who bothers you because they're pretty, popular, or let their own personality shine forth, realize that there is not much you can do and very little you will gain by such annoyance. You cannot change someone's personality because you don't get along with them, envy them, or because you've chosen to find them annoying.
   • If you're annoyed because you view other people as rivals and enemies, you're on a slippery slope. Remove the competitive aspect from your work, study, or social relations by realizing that there is more than enough praise, pay, accolades, and recognition for everyone.
8. 

   Assert yourself.
   Assert yourself. Much annoyance comes about when we take the path of least resistance – not saying anything but fuming all the same. Annoyance caused by placing yourself into a position of powerlessness because of the things another person does is self-destructive. A far more constructive approach is to speak up when you'd like to see something changed around you. While you cannot change a person's personality, you can ask them to refrain from behavior that impacts others, including being too loud, asking too many questions, wearing perfume that overwhelms you, using thoughtless or harmful language around you, etc. If their actions are impacting you negatively, you're entitled to ask for the actions to be toned down, changed in some way, or even stopped. At this point, not only are you asserting your "perfect right", but you're also negotiating on behalf of anyone else impacted by the behavior.
   • Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself politely but firmly. It is not something to be afraid of, and you don't need to attend a course to master it. It's as simple as responding to the annoying behavior promptly and with a pointed request. For example, person X is working next to you but won't stop playing their radio out loud. You ask them if they have a moment to talk and proceed to say: "I find it distracting having to listen to the radio all day long in our small office. I'd prefer to work in silence because I can think a lot better. Would you mind using using earbuds from tomorrow so that we can all work in the way we like best." Ignoring the annoying behavior will cause you to simmer to boiling point and the problem won't go away; it will come back time and again. So deal with it.
   • If you're annoyed because the person in question is clingy, this also requires assertiveness and some tough love on your behalf. Let them know that you appreciate their company now and then but be clear that you also need your own space in order to thrive. Sometimes it's case of helping them to understand that being on your own at times is not a rejection of them but a need of your own.
9. 

   Be compassionate, listen, and guide.
   Be compassionate, listen, and guide. Everyone gets annoyed sometimes. Which means people will be annoyed with you sometimes too because we're all in a position to do or say annoying things now and then. Try to focus on what you can do to adopt a more compassionate, guiding approach to an annoying behavior or action. Consider the ways in which you can provide constructive feedback to try and alleviate the annoying behavior or activities rather than blowing your top or creating a negative atmosphere. As part of this, be interested in the other person. If that sounds difficult, then there is all the more reason to put your compassionate self into action.
10. Identify when the annoyance reflects a deeper conflict. Sometimes this is easier to see a few hours later when you're not with that annoying person. Small things can mount up into a pattern that can guide you to understand why you need to be so patient. If you work with someone who is bigoted against you for an unstated reason of race, religion, gender or political views, you may be hearing constant borderline insults in everything from their anecdotes about others to the differences in the way they treat you and other people. A man with a low opinion of women in general or a woman with a low opinion of men in general can wind up making life extremely unpleasant in a thousand ways that don't quite cross the bounds of getting them fired, for example. Look at how they treat others around you. There's also reverse prejudice, someone deeply wounded by bigotry may lash out with similar behavior. A gay person may make snide comments about "breeders" and that puts any heterosexual person in the prejudice group. Be aware that may also be an intelligent attempt to make you see their side of things if you're white and mainstream.
    • No matter who you are, someone hates you for race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference or social class and finds it very hard to see you as a human being in your own right. Understand that it is possible for someone to learn to overcome prejudice, but it rarely happens fast. They may become aware of it in a moment and be shocked, but they will probably not be able to completely overcome it without compassionate, gradual education and personal support.
    • Prove them wrong. Listen for it, wait for the stereotype that's so far from who you are that it's ridiculous and then make a joke with a point. Then quietly without anger, confront it directly. "I'm one of them, George." This can sometimes embarrass them into stopping.
11. Watch for escalation. If ignoring, assertively resisting or dealing patiently with their behavior starts getting even more annoying behavior, there may be some serious problems. George may be deliberately trying to pick a fight, like turning the radio volume up daily from the first time you mentioned it or pointedly making negative comments about your clothes, religion, status or race etc. If you see a pattern of sexual harassment that's increasing, it's a serious problem. Start documenting the incidents when they cross the line. Ask him politely to stop when you're having a good day and feel a lot of self control. This can be over non-controversial issues too, it can be constant personal criticism of your clothes, body language, accent, views. The social game of trying to pick a fight so that the other person blows up and acts unacceptably is unpleasantly common. Watch for codependent behaviors - fast but shallow apologies followed by the same, clingy behavior seeking your approval reversed suddenly into personal attacks, passive-aggressive attacks. If you find that pattern evolving with a coworker, try to keep as much distance as possible and pay as little attention as possible to that person. Remain strictly professional, don't socialize with them. They're in the process of burning down their own life, don't go down with the ship. You can't help them so don't engage.
12. 

    Seeing red may be because you're feeling blue
    See your doctor. Sometimes annoyance with other people can be sourced from an illness or disorder and turns into an ongoing, long-term problem. If you're in frequent pain or you're depressed, anxious, prone to panic attacks, etc., you may find yourself easily (and constantly) annoyed by other people because you're so busy coping with your pain and disability that you cannot bear it when people make things harder for you. If you're easily irritated and feel anxious, down, and worried over a period of more than a week or two, go and see your doctor to discuss what might be happening. And if you're in a lot of pain, it's imperative to speak to your doctor to find out whether something can be done to minimize the pain.
    • In some cases, you may need to unlearn anger habits, as annoyance is often sourced in unresolved anger. A course in anger management might be extremely helpful if you're finding almost everyone annoys you.
    • Try meditation. It may help to reground you and open your mind up to peaceful ways of approaching challenging situations and difficult people.
13. Remember you are not the object. Most people are not trying to annoy you. They probably don't realize that what they are doing is annoying. In other words, they are probably in their "own world" and arent' even aware of you. For example someone talking on their cell phone and are engrossed in their own conversation while totally annoying the rest of the people within earshot. ... you know like that

Tips:

• Be aware that the online environment can also leave you feeling annoyed, only this time with anonymous people whose faces you cannot even see. Try not to take negative interactions in the online environment to heart, keep a sense of humor, and move along when things feel turbulent. Tomorrow will make it all seem very different after a good night of sleeping on it.
• Positive thinking can alleviate irritation with others.
• The sweeter the person who annoys you is, the more bitter you are. Check your own problems out before dumping them onto others.

Warnings:

• Be careful with what you view as annoying behavior. If you're making a mountain out a molehill, you risk alienating people and having them find you annoying for being so picky, thoughtless, and unkind.
• Be aware that disdain, contempt, and fear are contagious. Avoid buttressing your dislike or contempt for the person who annoys you by inflicting your opinion on others about why this person is so annoying. A contemptuous mob is an ugly sight that soon switches to bullying in the workplace, school yard, and other group situations.
• Be aware that sometimes you can turn mountains into molehills by looking at each incident separately. Watch for patterns that indicate serious real conflicts that need mediation. Discuss the situation with trusted friends outside the situation or with a counselor if it's starting to drive you round the bend, don't just react. In all the situations where there are deeper conflicts, just reacting or overreacting puts you right where they want you: making a fool of yourself or your crossing the line and getting in trouble.

 

Sometimes people just really annoy me. It could be the person driving in front of me who is driving so slowly that I feel like I must honk my horn to teach them different rules of the road. It could be a close, personal friend I’m hanging out with who is just annoys me with everything he does.

Sometimes you’re with people and you just get annoyed. Do you know what I’m talking about? You’re just not in the mood. I think everyone goes through this.
I think everybody hits a point during their life — whether it’s for a week or a month or even longer — where people (ALL people) just annoy you. Your boss annoys you. Your lover annoys you. Your friends annoy you.

It could be your best friend who tells you the same story over and over again that he has been telling you for years about why he can’t meet someone or about the problems in his relationship. It could be that one habit of your lover’s that normally just kind of bugs you, that you now you can’t stand to be around.
It doesn’t matter what it is. People in general will annoy each other on a regular basis.
So what do you do to avoid fights, or to avoid pissing people off, when they annoy you?

You just acknowledge it, and realize it’s going to pass. Life is just a series of moments that pass. Whatever it is that annoys you about someone at one moment will pass.
These moments will not last. So what you need to do during these times is to go out on the beach and scream at the waves, take a swim, work out or something like that.
Allow yourself to go deep inside yourself and get all pissed off. Yell, scream or do whatever it is you need to do blow off steam. That way, when you are around people again you will be your most charming, sweet and lovable self.

What do I do when people annoy me? I tend to go off into my man den.
Every man should have a man den. Every man needs a man den. It’s his place of complete and utter peace.
When people annoy me, I will sometimes go up into my man den and read some Internet sites that are interesting me at the moment. That kind of calms me down.

Sometimes I will take Daphne for a walk. Then again, Daphne is so slow that she will annoy me because she is that slow.
Sometimes I will chill out and watch a television show. Lately I’ve been watching Dexter. That show is a lot of fun. Getting lost in a television show or a movie is a great way to get your mind off the fact that you’re irritable.

These are some of the things I do. So when you’re feeling this irritation with people, find whatever works that will allow you to blow off some steam and to take your mind off of it. Everyone will be happier for it.